Friday, October 3, 2008

So not Buddha

Ok I have my parents in town and Mike's Uncle etc from WI are coming in for his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. His mom and dad who happen to live right next store(we will not get into how wonderful that is) are hosting a party for everyone. What does all this mean....People that I dont know will be coming into my house. Ok its not technically mine but close enough. Issues I have with this....They have money, alot of money, a realllllllly lot of money. And we dont. The house we live in has been and will continue to be "under renovation" until I can save up enough money to buy my own home and move. I have never been so worried about how someone will perseve me then when the come to the house. Honestly I am embarassed to have people here. D-crazy I was scared to death the first time she came up, but I know her and no matter what she would never say anything. But all that is going through my head right now is "what are they going to think of all this?" Now my mother was a freak before she went on meds and would spaz out anytime anyone would even mention the fact that they may stop by for a visit. It goes way deeper then that but we wont get into that here. And she had an actual home, not a construction site. Plus Mike will not get rid of anything. Seriously. The weird thing is that for the first time since we started dating 4 yrs ago he is actually twitchy too. I think he may be feeling a little of what I am going through. How can I tell....He straighted up his room. ALOT> its organized and clean. F*%k the rest of the house, I just got done taking care of all that. I look at it and think 2 things, why the hell didnt he clean the living room instead and why am I so upset with this whole thing. I have tried so hard to shake the mantra of "keeping up with the Jones's" but at times I just cant. So I have the whole weekend to worry and freak out about what these people that I have never met may or may not think about me. Repeating through my head, you probably wont ever see them again so what does it matter what they think anyway. OOOOHHHHHMMMMM.

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